As a busy millennial, I want to take a moment to address some stereotypes of my generation within the wine industry and beyond. Just fyi, I’m too busy multi-tasking, finding amazing internet videos, trolling hipster hate blogs, and designing my next tattoo to spend a whole lot of time on it. As a matter of fact, in the time it took to read that last sentence, I will have sent out 42 text messages without vowels to my closest friends. So let’s get to it.

MILLENNIALS WON’T BUY EXPENSIVE WINES

This is true, but not because we don’t have the money.  The reason is because we’re too busy burning through our trust funds buying apple products, every bottle of wine that has ever been released with an animal on the label, and 2 Buck Chuck.

MILLENNIALS DON’T USE TWITTER

Kind of true. We do use it to follow twitter-integrated taco trucks and other novelty businesses as well as fake news sources. But we enjoy talking amongst ourselves IRL about how we “seriously don’t get twitter.”

MILLENNIALS LIVE ON THEIR MOBILE DEVICES

Hang on, lemme finish sending this text.

MILLENNIALS CAN TELL WHEN YOUR MARKETING CAMPAIGN IS NOT AUTHENTIC ENOUGH

Totally true. We can also smell your fear and tell you what you had for breakfast.

YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T APPRECIATE WINE, THEY JUST CARE ABOUT GETTING DRUNK

That’s a bingo – completely true. Our number one priority is getting wasted. Which is why we are the fastest growing demographic in wine consumption the US has ever seen. This is because in order to get blitzed on wine we need to buy like WAY more of it than a mature, refined wine enthusiast would – hence, we buy a lot.

ETC.

There are countless more stereotypes to address, but I really have to get back to facebook. Before I do, though, I have to thank Hardy Wallace for his fab post on wine bloggers on Dirty South Wine that inspired this one.

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